From: david gudmunsen (kroctec@btopenworld.com)
Date: Wed Aug 24 2005 - 14:41:13 PDT
As a response to Jack quoting 'Peter Principle' I thought you guys might
enjoy using all or any of these which cover most MV and every other
situation too.
MURPHYıS LAW AND OTHERS
MURPHYıS LAW:- If anything can go wrong, it will.
Corollaries:- If there is the possibility of several things going wrong, the
one that will cause the greatest damage will be the one to happen.
If you see that there are four things to go wrong and circumvent these, then
a fifth will immediately develop.
MURPHYıS PHILOSOPHY:- Smile now. Tomorrow will be worse.
O²TOOLEıS COMMENTARY ON MURPHYıS LAW
Murphy was an optomist!
SCOTTıS FIRST LAW:- No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
SCOTTıS SECOND LAW:- When an error as been detected and corrected, it will
be found to have been correct in the first place.
FINAGLEıS FOURTH LAW:- Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it
only makes things worse.
SIMONıS LAW:- Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
MURPHYıS LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS:- Things get worse under pressure.
ZYMURGYıS FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEMS:- Once you open a can of worms the
only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
NON-RECIPROCAL LAWS OF EXPECTATIONS:- Negative expectations yield negative
results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
JOHNSONıS THIRD LAW:- If you missed one issue of any magazine, it will be
the issue which contained the article, story or instalment you were most
anxious to read.
Corollary:- All your friends either lost it, missed it or threw it out
and it is also out of print.
LEWISıS LAW:- No matter how hard or long you shop for an item you will
always find it for sale at a cheaper price somewhere else.
THE AIRPLANE LAW:- When the plane you are on is late the plane you wish to
transfer to is ontime.
JOHNSON AND LAIRDıS LAW:- Toothache normally starts on Saturday night.
ETORREıS OBSERVATION:- The other line moves faster.
Corollary:- If you change to the faster line it will then slow down and
the line you were in will become the fastest.
BOOBıS LAW:- You always find a lost item in the last place you would ever
think to look.
LAW OF THE LOST INCH:- In designing any construction, no overall dimension
can be totalled correctly after 3PM on a Friday.
Corollaries:- Under the same conditions, if any minor dimensions are in
sixteenths of an inch or millimeters they cannot be totalled at all.
The correct total willl become self evident at 9:01 on Monday morning.
LAWS OF APPLIED CONFUSION:- The one piece of plant omitted in a shipment is
the part that supports 75% of the balance of the shipment.
LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY:- An object that has fallen will land such that the
most damage is caused.
Jenningsı Corolloary:- The chances of a piece of bread spread with butter
and jam landing spred side down is inversely proportional to the price of
the carpet.
CAHNıS AXIOM:- When all else has failed read the instructions. MESKIMENıS
LAW:- There is never time to do it right but there is always time to do it
over until it is right.
HELLERıS LAW:- The first myth of management is that it exists.
Johnsonıs Corollary:- Nobody really knows what is going on within the
organisation.
THE PETER PRINCIPLE:- In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to the
level of their incompetance.
Corollaries:- In time every post becomes occupied by a person incompetant
to carry out the duties required.
Work is carried out only by those employees who have yet to reach their own
level of incompetance.
H. L. MENCKENıS LAW:- Those who can - do. Those who cannot - teach.
Corollary:- Those who cannot teach - administrate.
THE ARMY AXIOM:- Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
PUTTıS LAW:- Technology is dominated by two kinds of people. Those who
understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not
understand.
TRUMANıS LAW:- If you cannot convince someone confuse them.
PATTONıS LAW:- A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
PARKINSONıS SECOND LAW:- Expenditures always rise to pass income.
THE ORDERING PRINCIPLE:- Those supplies neccessary for todayıs experiment
must be ordered no later than tomorrow noon.
JOHNıS COLLATERAL COROLLARY:- In order to qualify for a loan you must first
prove that you do not need it.
MALEKıS LAW:- Any simple idea will always be worded in the most complicated
way.
*****CARKEıS LAW OF REVOLUTIONARY IDEAS:- Every revolutionary idea can be
summed up by the three phrases:
It is impossible - Donıt waste my time.
It is possible but not worth doing.
I said it was a good idea all along.
RULE OF THE GREAT:- When someone you greatly admire and respect appears to
be thinking deep thoughts, they are probably thinking about lunch.
BARTHıS DISTINCTION:- There are two types of people - Those whoe divide
people into two types and those who do not.
MILLERıS LAW:- You can never tell how deep a puddle is until you have
stepped in it.
Corollary:- Any puddle stepped into will mostly be deeper than the
waterproofing of oneıs footwear.
WEILERıS LAW:- Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it
himself.
FIRST LAW OF SOCIO-GENETICS:- Celibacy is not hereditary.
BEIFIELDıS PRINCIPLE:- The probability of a young man meeting a desirable
and receptive young female increases by a pyramidal progression when he is
already in the company of 1) a date 2) his wife 3) a better looking and
richer male companion.
PARDOıS POSTULATES:- Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or
fattening.
The three things that are faithful in life are money, a dog and an old
woman.
Donıt care if youıre rich or not as long a you can live comfortably and have
everything you want.
CAPTAIN PENNYıS LAW:- You can fool some of the people all of the time and
you can fool all of the people some of the time, but you canıt fool Mum.
JONESıS MOTTO:- Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
McCLAUGHRYıS CODICIL TO JONESıS MOTTO:- To make an enemy, do someone a
favour.
COOPERıS METALAW:- A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of
loopholes.
Corollary:- Laws made to plug loopholes have more loopholes than the law
loopholes they were introduced to plug.
HARTLEYıS FIRST LAW:- You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him
to float on his back you have something special.
NEWTONıS LEAST KNOWN SEVENTH LAW:- A bird in the hand is safer than a bird
overhead.
Best regards from David Gudmunsen
on 8/24/05 19:24, Employee at MILVEHCO at milveh@dslextreme.com wrote:
> Trust government employees? lol
>
> Uh, remember the Peter principal, in government a person will always rise
> to his/her maximum level of incompetence.
>
>
>
>
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This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.4 : Fri Oct 28 2005 - 23:25:30 PDT