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Circa 1986, the place, Camp Schwab, Okinawa, Japan...
The Marines had been in the process of changing out their M151s for HummVees for
some time now, and we were the first Marine Battalion on the island who had
owned HummVees, and had actually gone to school to learn about them.
One day, while the vehicle crews were conducting their weekly PM, we saw a
beautiful sight.
The Camp Commander's HummVee, a low soft top variant, was sitting in its usual
parking space, with its red and gold placard on the grill, the dual radio
antennas, and boy, I tell you, when the morning Okinawa sun hit that puppy, she
sparkled...
(...wait a minute...
Sparkled?)
I walked over to one of the two Privates First Class who were bemusingly wiping
this gleaming truck, and commented on how pretty it looked...
He stopped, looked at the vehicle, and wryly said, "Yeah, the deputy camp
adjutant wanted us to have this thing ready when the Camp Commander came back
from the States as a surprise. You wouldn't believe how much Simonize it takes
to get that CARC paint to shine up..."
(Ever tried to spitshine suede?)
A few hours later, the Camp Commander apparently came aboard, because he was in
Captain A****'s jeep (the last M151 in active service, driven by Capt. A.
himself - Mister Clean meets Arnold Schwartzenegger with about .5% body fat and
could bench-press an LVTP7A1 AmTrac easy...). We're all finishing up our PMs
when we here this jeep's wheels lock up, and Captain A.'s very definite (from
100 meters away) "WHAT THE F*** IS THAT???"
(Ever seen a Marine officer totally vapor lock?)
Captain A. got out of his jeep as the Camp Commander stood there looking at the
HummVee that he was supposed to be carting the Commandant of the Marine Corps
around in for the next couple of days. If you saw the newest Godzilla movie,
Capt. A. plays the lizard, and the two PFCs were the people standing in dumb
shock as he approached. Credit to Captain A. that he didn't snatch their heads
off just out of reflex... He calmly asked them why they had come up with the
bright idea to make a tactical vehicle look all sparkley. When the senior PFC
finally got his voice back, he answered that they hadn't come up with the idea,
they had been ordered to do it.
At that point the deputy camp adjudent officer came strolling through the gates
of the motor pool.
"So," growls Captain A.,"Who ordered you to do this?" (his voice was so
pleasent and calm that most of us began crawling into our armored HummVees for
protection...)
Two arms raised, two fingers pointed, as if choreographed... Right at the young
2ndLieutentant who had stopped, stock still, when he saw A.
Captain A. followed the arms and fingers, sighting along them like a sniper, and
locked his optics on the DepAdj, who turned visibly pale.
"COMEHERELIEUTENANT!" (Godzilla, he speaks!)
The DepAdj took off like a scalded cat, with A. in hot pursuit, and the whole
motorpool following like a scene out of The Quiet Man.
Camp Schwab isn't a very large installation, and we could hear both Captain A.
AND the Camp Commander bellowing for the head of the DepAdj as they disappeared
down the hill...
I don't know how the chase ended, but the next day the DepAdj was gone, and they
were trying to figure out how to de-Simonize the Camp Commander's HummVee. As
it turned out, they couldn't, so the Camp Commander borrowed our Battalion
Commander's vehicle, all satiny dull and tactical, to take the Commandant
around...
As usual, sea story rules apply. I can neither confirm or deny any facts
contain therein, but I SAW the DepAdj clear that seven foot fence with one leap,
with Capt. A. right on his o'clock...
Semper Fi,
Bill
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