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Based on what I just read, I'm going to offer up a very, very short group
lesson in the secret art of diplomacy. Normally I would be paid up to $200
an hour for this stuff, so consider this worth slightly more than what its
costing you! lol
Seriously... Lets call this topic for the enhancement and perpetuation of
this chat area and the mil-veh club experience. Therefore it is NOT off
topic and legal:
You begin this lesson by first accepting the ground rules. Namely, that you
don't call names! lol That you have an open mind, that you harbor no
preconceived notions of what absolutely positively has to happen, that you
have your ego in check and will abide by a sort of golden rule concept, being
respectful and courteous.
If you can get this far then you can employ the AVECS system for conflict
resolution.
Ready? Ok....here is the art of diplomacy thru AVECS in a nutshell:
1. Acknowledge. Every debate or argument has some point that can be
acknowledged. "So you say the government should allow the taxpayers who paid
for that government jeep/truck/tank to buy when it's sold as surplus, right?"
This establishes that I heard you correctly and I am listening ... moreover
it did not offend anyone by repeating what you heard. It's amazing how many
people don't really listen and how many arguments could be avoided if they
did!
2. Validate. Something was just said that has merit, if you can't find it,
you probably are not looking hard enough or you are not listening. You must
validate something, if only something small. This establishes the first step
to resolution because it take you to a good place....you are both standing on
common ground.
3. Empathize. You don't have to agree, but you do have to put yourself in
the place of your opponent for the sake of perspective. "I hear you...
obviously you are upset, frustrated...etc." No agreement necessary in this
phase, but you continue to de-escalate the emotion that divides and that
brings you closer to finding problems and the hidden agenda, and there always
is one.
4. Compromise. Once you have identified exactly what it is that divides.
You begin the solution process. You start off this phase with a big
advantage because you are standing on that new found common ground, hearing
the other side, that is truly hearing and understanding what is being said.
Now you can pick apart the divisions just like doing an anatomy. You will
soon be moved to finding those select areas where there can be compromise.
You can agree to disagree as a compromise too. This still brings you closer
to having a real exchange of words/wits for some positive purposes. Instead
of posturing and polarizing ... you are moving towards understanding and
hopefully a sensible win-win solution. There is always room to compromise
too, sometimes you have to be creative, but if you are willing there is
always a way.
5. Solution. By acknowledging, validating, empathizing and compromising you
will have a solution! Money back guarantee here folks. It really does work
and the system does not fail those willing to trust it and follow it thru.
IF YOU LEARN JUST THIS MUCH, YOU CAN APPLY THESE SO-CALLED "SECRET
NEGOTIATING" TACTICS TO ANY SITUATION FROM DEALING WITH BELLIGERENT
GOVERNMENTS TO FAMILY DISPUTE RESOLUTIONS. YOU CAN CERTAINLY AVOID
ALIENATING SOME OF OUR CHAT MEMBERS TOO AND THAT'S MY BOTTOM LINE.
No doubt there will be a few people who will snicker at my e-mail. But, it's
ok, even those people will eventually get it. This works. Good luck!
Keep em rollin.....
Jack Lee
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