Rules to live by

From: Timothy Smith (timothy.smith1@worldnet.att.net)
Date: Fri Jan 12 2001 - 22:50:39 PST


Immediately after you purchase the HMV you have chosen to restore, another
similar vehicle will come up for sale. It will (a) cost less (b) be in
better condition (c) be more complete (d) be closer to home (e) have a
"history" (f) almost be sold to some fool who wants to paint it day-glo
orange and put a giant fiberglass ant on the roof and use it for his
exterminating business or (g) any combination of 'a' through 'f'.

Any restoration effort will cost at least four times more than you figured.

Any restoration effort will take at least eight times longer than you
figured.

Immediately after you buy your HMV project vehicle the formerly unlimited
supply of parts for it will disappear forever, having been bought up
entirely by some third world country.

The man behind the counter at the parts store will inform you that they had
the exact part you require in stock last year but they have stopped carrying
it because the only manufacturer went out of business forever.

When you have finally located the rare and elusive wingdingthing for your
HMV restoration at a reasonable price and it will be so far away or it will
be of such a size and weight that shipping will effectively triple the cost
making it completely unaffordable.

Friends who promised to lend a hand suddenly become strangers.

As soon as you bring your HMV project home, your spouse (who formerly
approved the purchase) looks upon it with a jaundiced eye and announces that
it makes the driveway look "cluttered."

No matter how well you protect your "baby" from the weather, some rain will
get in.

As soon as you have a few extra bucks to spend on your HMV project a mojor
household appliance will self-destruct.

Sandblasting media does more scattered on a linoleum or hardwood floor than
it ever will on your project at 150 psi.

Jehova's Witnesses on bicycles will stop at your house while you are up to
your armpits in 50 year old grease. You will inform them that as long as
they are willing to help, you will listen to anything they have to say.
They will leave without saying a word and never return.

Some militia types you've never seen before will stop and ask for directions
to this evening's meeting of the local chapter. You will be photographed
speaking to them by the nice men in the Tastee-Treet ice cream truck nearby.
For several months afterward you will notice an odd static sound in the
background while using your phone and it will appear that some stray dog has
been going through your curbside garbage twice a week.

Some "bubba" will walk up your driveway and offer you "a coupla hunnert
bucks fer that there huntin' vehicle."



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