From: John Stewart-Smith (john_stewartsmith@hotmail.com)
Date: Fri Mar 29 2002 - 03:22:23 PST
Sarge's Story Time:
Once upon a time, (actually 1996)
In a place far, far away, (Central Germany)
Our 250 man unit was called in to the base theatre for our monthly
commanders call. If you have never had the pleasure of one of these, it is
one hour of pep talks, medal give-aways and just generally a "state of the
union" type speech. If the Commander cannot blather on for an entire hour,
he invites guest speakers, some are good, most are boring. This story is
about a young lady from the OSI (Office of Special Investigations). The OSI
is an Air Force entity comprising of overweight arrogant secret squirrel
wannabes. But I'm sugarcoating the truth. They are the equvalent of a police
"internal affairs" unit.
I digress.
This young agent's speech was about terrorism in Central Europe and she
introduced herself as a 'local expert' on terrorism/counterterrorism, and
told us that her job was to protect us. She was 100 lbs soaking wet and we
were the most physically fit, elite ground combat force in the USAF. This
should be good!
Anyway, she immediately began by telling us that after the fall of the
Berlin wall, that the majority of Southern Germans became complacent and
that they welcomed the Northern Germans with open arms. Although the
Northern Germans had thrown off the terrible yoke of communism, the Southern
Germans thought that they were now 'healed' and totally trustworthy. Agent
Dingleberry's message was that we should not trust the Northern Germans
because they were still communists in their hearts. Of course, by now, half
of the audience is snickering and trying not to laugh out loud. She told us
that we should not trust our neighbours, or anybody else in Southern
Germany, because they may have been born in the Godless North. After 15
painful minutes of her speech, she asked if there were any questions? I
immediately jumped to my feet and identified myself with name and rank. My
Colonel (who knew me too well) was standing behind Agent Dingleberry, making
cutting motions across his throat.
My question:
"Thank you for alerting us to the dangers of Northern Germans, but I was
wondering if you could tell us about the current tension between East and
West Korea?"
Her answer:
"I don't know the answer, but I'll be sure to research it and get back to
you."
There were 250 men crying tears in the aisles, and yes, I was verbally
reprimanded.
God protect us!
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