From: rertman@ix.netcom.com
Date: Mon May 10 2004 - 15:53:18 PDT
Homeland Security is truly in dire need of adult supervision along with
the help you suggest, Chance. However, all isn't lost. The good news
is that HS has an I.Q. of 190. The bad news is that they have to share
it among all 100,000 of them. :)
Glad you got home OK.
Dick
chance wolf wrote:
>
> They need your help to carry out their mandate without acting like a pack of
> jackbooted Rottweilers.
>
> I'm sending this to both the military vehicles group and the armyradios one,
> because I know collectors from each like to cross the border and attend
> events in the neighbouring nation, and would like to do so without having to
> deal with the nonsense I had to put up with on the way back to Canada from
> an event in Washington State.
>
> Three of us headed down to a Puget Sound Military Vehicle Collectors Club
> event at Fort Ebey, WA from our club up here in Vancouver, B.C, and two of
> us convoyed back Sunday night in the form of a 1941 K-18 Radio Van driven by
> a friend, and my own 1985 M1009 Blazer. As we're approaching the Canadian
> Border, we see that U.S. Customs has a checkpoint staffed with four
> individuals who are stopping Canada-bound motorists at random and asking a
> few questions. My friend's 1941 truck with "U.S. Army" and white stars all
> over it pulls into the duty-free without even being stopped, where I'm
> motioned to the side of the road instantly by U.S. Customs as though I'd
> just run over a favourite pet. For background at this point, my 1009 sports
> the stock camouflage job, two MX-6707 mounts and antennas either side, a
> rear mount for the AB-652 and copper whip, one RT-246, one RT-524, and the
> associated cables and junction boxes. Here's the exchange between the U.S.
> Customs guy and myself:
>
> Customs: "What's with the truck?"
>
> Me: "What do you mean?"
>
> Guy looks around, and touches the MX-6707 mount on the driver's side. In
> the mirror I can see Rottweilers 3, 4 and 5 wiggling antennas and
> conversationally telling each other "he can't have this stuff".
>
> Customs: "Where are you going with all this?"
> Me: "Canada."
> Customs: "And why are we going to Canada?" (like the B.C. Plates didn't give
> it away??)
> Me: "Because I live there?"
> Customs: "Are you a member of the Canadian Military?"
> Me: "Not anymore."
> Customs: "Then what's with all this gear?"
> Me: "I'm a collector."
> Customs: "Are you familiar with the term 'State Department'?"
> Me: "Sure. Why."
> Customs: "Because you're not allowed to export military technology. You
> need a licence. Do you know what I mean by a licence? Where'd you get all
> this?"
> Me: "Other collectors in Canada, sometimes Ebay..."
> Customs: "Where'd you get the truck?"
> Me: "Government Liquidation."
> Customs: "But all this stuff wasn't on it."
> Me: "No. I put it all on later."
> Customs: "You can't have all this."
> Me: "Yes I can. It's perfectly legal."
> Customs: "You can't import it or export it without a permit."
> Me: "Nothing's being imported or exported here."
> Customs: <condescendingly and loudly> "Well it's here in the U.S! You
> imported it illegally! Please step out of the car, Sir, and go into the
> building..."
>
> I get out. The rest of the Pack begins flicking switches and playing with
> stuff. On the way to the Customs Office, Rottweiler #1 raises his tone and
> tries to up the psychological ante.
>
> Customs: "You imported controlled U.S. Military Technology illegally and are
> trying to export it illegally. You need a State Department Licence!"
> Me: "I'm doing no such thing. Canada used those radios too. I've had them
> for four years. I'm bringing back nothing I didn't have with me when I came
> down apart from three cans of beer."
> Customs: "You told me you got them off Ebay!"
>
> I stop mid-escort and turn to face the guy.
>
> Me: "No. I said I get *some* stuff on Ebay. And some from fellow collectors.
> But not those radios. They're Canadian."
>
> Rottweiler #1 closes the physical distance with the "just you try
> something!" look on his face, puts his arm up behind my back, and makes it
> pretty clear I was supposed to be making my case mid-stride without making
> any sort of eye-contact.
>
> Customs: "Then they'll have Canadian serial numbers."
> Me: "No such thing. We bought them off the American Gov't and..."
> Customs: "THERE! SEE! That goes right back to what I was sayin'."
> Me: <incredulously> "..in *1971*!!!!???"
> Customs: "It doesn't make any difference. We'll check it all out. Have a
> seat."
>
> Rottweiler #1 joins the rest of the Hounds of the Baskervilles and crawls
> over the vehicle, playing with knobs and switches and microphones like 6 yr
> olds left to entertain themselves by irresponsible parents in the toy aisle
> of WalMart. Rottweiler #1 comes back and asks me if "they work."
>
> "One does, one doesn't", I reply.
>
> He goes back out for another round of playing. I stare at the stuffed Eagle
> spreading its wings in Freedom above the Customs counter, then look outside
> past a waving Stars'n'Stripes towards the blue-suited Rottweilers,
> marvelling at the stark contrast between Freedom's ideals and the actions of
> its uniformed representatives. About 30-35 minutes goes by, and Rottweiler
> #1 reappears behind the counter and proffers my Driver's License with a
> "you're free to go", but not a word more. My guess would be he spent a few
> minutes on the phone diluting his ignorance in a few words with someone more
> rational and senior, but I strongly believe that those few minutes would've
> been better off spent in training BEFORE sending people like that to the
> 49th parallel, rather than leave returning Canadians with vivid memories of
> incidents like this. When I got back into my vehicle, they'd flicked every
> switch they could flick just to "see what happens". Fortunately the radios
> were designed to be coincidentally both Soldier and Rottweiler-proof,
> elsewise I might've been stuck with damages I had no part in creating.
>
> On the upside, and primarily of interest to the Mil Vehicles mob, we had a
> great time at Ft. Ebey with the Puget Sound collectors, and it's nice to see
> so many collectors take their vehicles and accessories "out" for the public
> to enjoy on events like that. They also refused to let us help out with the
> group campsite fee, and were excellent hosts all round. Thanks for the
> invite! I'll still come down to the Arlington Airshow for the reasons I
> usually go down, but now I have another reason equally compelling, as it's
> been quite some time since I've been afraid of the Big Bad Wolf no matter
> how loud he barks, and I don't suffer bullies of any stripe whatsoever.
>
> I'd sign my name but I don't want want the "Non-Patriot!" flag popping up
> beside my Driver's License number on any more NSA computers than absolutely
> necessary, so, lessee....
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> er...Thomas Paine, esq.
>
> (in anticipation of a few responses backing up their actions: no, I wasn't
> "being smart"; yes, I was very polite; no I'm not "on the computer"; no, I
> wasn't dressed "like Rambo"; yes, I cross fairly often. I'm sure I missed
> some, but you get the general idea.)
>
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This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.4 : Sat May 07 2005 - 20:29:57 PDT